i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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