i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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