You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
