her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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