I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
