When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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