I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
