At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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