Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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