I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
