all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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