omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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