I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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