On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
