Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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