Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
