i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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