Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
