someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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