We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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