Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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