I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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