In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
