It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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