i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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