FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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