i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
