party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
