girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
