how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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