Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
