There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
