We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
