all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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