pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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