you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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