Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
