i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
