CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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