she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My day in three words: secret purse cake
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
