Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
