I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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