that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
