he thought i was a dude.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
