New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
