all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
