Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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