feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
