Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
