I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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