i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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