You just made me feel so damn special
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
