my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
