Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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