Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
