Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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