youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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