why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
