...so i touched it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
