i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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