new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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