I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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