Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
