my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
