girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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