What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
