Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
