Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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