Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i came on her dog
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
